Left Unsaid
by Coeus
Summary: Words are not cast on a string, to be pulled back at a whim. Once they pass the lips they are irretrievable and unalterable, free to rampage through the world and fulfill their own destiny. A BBRae oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Teen Titans.

**Left Unsaid**

Silence. Complete and utter silence, startling in it's abruptness. It seemed as if the whole world stopped in that instant. Starfire ceased singing her Tamaranean lullaby and stared at us wide-eyed from the kitchen where she was giving Silkie a bath in the sink. Cyborg and Robin paused their video game, jaws dropping as they turned to watch us from the couch. Even the birds that had just moments before been chirping happily outside the tower's windows were now quieted.

And Beastboy. It was worst with him. Just a few seconds ago he had been screaming at me. Well, to be honest, we had both raised our voices a little, yelling in one of our countless and pointless arguments. But now he was just looking at me, soundless as the rest, silently broken by the words I had said. His eyes were shining in unshed tears, and my heart clenched as I sensed the bitter hurt emanating from him in waves.

I had gone too far. Even as I had felt the words coming out, I knew I would regret them. But I still said them. Maybe because I was annoyed, or maybe because I always have to win in an argument, especially against Beastboy, or maybe because I really am a heartless demon. I don't know the reason. It doesn't really matter. Nothing could justify what I said. What I do know is that I would give absolutely anything to take those words back, to keep them from him, to stop the pain that we were both feeling because of them.

But I couldn't. Words are not cast on a string, to be pulled back at a whim. Once they pass the lips they are irretrievable and unalterable, free to rampage through the world and fulfill their own destiny. I said them. No amount of remorse would ever change that fact. All that was left to me was to try to apologize for them and to hope that, somehow, he would once again forgive me my unkindness as he had done innumerable times in the past.

"Beastboy, I..."

He turned and fled from me, racing from the room, the tears finally overflowing his eyes and streaming silently down his face. I could only watch him go, knowing that I didn't deserve his forgiveness, praying that I hadn't lost a friend forever.

As the doors swished closed behind his retreating form, I could feel the stares of the other Titans. I turned towards Starfire, hoping for reassurance or encouragement. There was none there. She jerked her head away from my glance and quickly resumed the task of washing her mutant larva, surreptitiously wiping her eyes. I looked towards the boys on the couch. Robin turned away with a slight cough, facing the television again, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. But Cyborg...

Cyborg didn't flinch from my gaze, he didn't turn away in embarrassment. He stared me straight in the eyes with a a furious and accusing glare. His look was profoundly eloquent. _You crossed the line. This is your fault. Fix it. Now. Before it's too late._

He was right. I had to fix this before it had time to fester, before it could grow into an impenetrable wall that would forever stand between us, an eternal obstacle to our friendship. I had to go and do whatever I could to make this right. I followed in Beastboy's wake, exiting the living room.

It didn't take me long to find him. Even if I somehow missed the blinding beacon of his emotional turmoil that my empathic abilities detected, I would have found him quickly. In times of trouble, we all have our refuge. Cyborg has the garage, Starfire the kitchen, Robin the gym. I have my room. For Beastboy, it's a group of rocks along the shore of the island. I'm not sure why. None of us really understand why he likes to sit out there, what possible significance the spot could have for him, but when he's upset, that is where he goes. This time was no different.

There he sat, hunched over, knees pulled close with his arms wrapped around them and his chin resting on them, looking out over the bay. As I approached him, his ears twitched slightly. He knew I was here, his keen hearing alerting him to my presence.

I stood there silently, a few steps behind him, and shared his view across the water. It was a truly beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly from a clear blue sky. A warm breeze gently blew across the water, teasing his hair and playing with the edges of my cloak.

Finally, after several excruciating minutes, each more interminable than the last, the oppressive silence was broken.

"I don't want to talk to you right now, Raven. Please go away."

He kept his eyes focused on the horizon as he spoke. His voice was sad and resigned, barely audible above the gentle noise of the surf.

I stepped forward and sat down next to him, trying to ignore the pain I felt when he scooted away. It was like icy bands of steel wrapped tightly around my heart. I deserved nothing less, I knew that. But it still hurt to see him draw away.

"Beastboy, I know you don't want to talk to me right now, and you don't have to. I promise this won't take long, but please, please, just listen."

He didn't respond. He didn't do anything, just kept looking out across the bay. I could only continue.

"I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It was stupid and petty and cruel. And it was a lie. Please don't believe that I really think that, that I could ever think that about you. I am sorry."

I watched him carefully as I spoke, hoping for some sign of acceptance, or at least recognition. But he wouldn't even glance at me. The bands around my heart slowly constricted, tightening their grip.

"I know you're angry. You have every right to be. If there was anything I could do to take it back, or to make up for it, I would. Just know that I... that I never meant to hurt you. I would never hurt you on purpose."

My voice cracked. It was hard to breathe. I could feel the sharp prickle of tears behind my eyes as I watched him just sit there, refusing to acknowledge me. I took a moment, did my best to compose myself, to try and stop the shaking of my voice and hands, before I went on.

"I know I don't deserve it, but I hope that some day you might be able to forgive me. That we can be friends again. I don't..." I had to swallow the lump in my throat before I could finish. "I don't want to lose you, Beastboy."

A few yards away, a large slab of rock cracked and broke in half. The boiling emotions within me were seeking release. I had to leave. I had to get out of here before I completely lost control. I couldn't stay here while he continued to ignore me, while he just sat there, while my imagination conjured up visions of a future where he wouldn't speak to me, or tell me his lame jokes, or force me out of my room. Visions of a life without Beastboy. I stood, prepared to flee his presence.

"You could never lose me, Rae."

I stopped short, stunned by his voice. I turned back and gazed down at him, meeting his eyes. He was looking at me. He had finally stopped staring at the sea and had turned to look at me instead. I could only watch in wonder as he slowly reached up and grabbed my elbow, pulling me down to sit next to him. This time, when I sat near him, our shoulders barely brushing, he didn't move away.

"You could never lose me. Not ever. But, I gotta ask..."

"Yes?"

"Why'd ya say it?"

His voice was small, vulnerable, his eyes pleading for an answer. But I didn't have one to give. "Beastboy, I... I really don't know why. I don't believe it. I really, really don't. No one does."

His voice gained in strength as he spoke. "Really? You never once thought that?"

I shook my head as I tried to convince him. "Really, Beastboy. Honestly, I have never thought that about you."

He continued to watch me, an odd expression on his face. After a few moments, he spoke again. "So, what do you think of me?"

I froze. This was not the conversation I came out here to have. This was not a conversation I ever wanted to have. I never expected such a blunt question, especially about something we had both carefully avoided mentioning for quite some time. I didn't know how I could possibly answer that. So I stalled. "What d-do you m-mean?"

"I mean, what do you think of me? I can't seem to figure it out. I know I can be annoying, and sometimes it's like you barely tolerate my existence. You've threatened to end it often enough. Sometimes it's like we're just teammates, people who work together, share a tower and nothin' else. Sometimes it's like were friends, maybe even really good friends. There's even times when I thought that maybe we were kinda, ya know, more than friends." We both looked away, blushing slightly at this statement. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"But then, then there's times like today. Times when it seems like you totally hate my guts and wish you'd never met me. And I don't know what to think anymore. So I'm asking. What do you think of me?"

I couldn't believe he was asking me this, that he was sitting there next to me, watching me expectantly, waiting for a response. How was I supposed to tell him that I have never, not even for a second, hated him or regretted knowing him? Yes, he was annoying at first, but only because he didn't allow me to be withdrawn and closed off and anti-social like everyone else did. That was the reason that he had been on the receiving end of my temper more than anyone else. He never once let me resign myself to being dark and creepy and alone, even when I wanted to be. Was I just supposed to come out and say that I actually looked forward to seeing him every day, hearing him argue with Cyborg about breakfast and complain about training and boast about video games and even, God forbid, tell his jokes. That there were times when I sought him out, just to be near him and his eternal optimism? How was I supposed to tell him how happy he makes me, even when I can't express it.

All of this ran through my head in the space of a few seconds. What I actually said, though, was, "I...I don't hate you."

His eyes flashed with new hurt at these words, his voice angry for the first time. "You don't hate me? That's the best you can say? We've been friends and teammates for, like, forever, and the only thing you can say is that you don't hate me?"

He didn't understand. How could he? I didn't even understand. But I had to do better. I was desperate for him to get some inkling of what he truly meant to me. I needed something more, some gesture to get the point across. Taking a deep breath to steady my nerves, I tentatively reached out and took his hand in mine, threading my fingers through his and giving a gentle squeeze to punctuate my words as I said, "No, you don't understand. I really, really...don't hate you. More than anything. I... I don't think I've ever... not hated... anyone as much as I...don't hate...you." I could feel my cheeks flush as I spoke.

His eyes searched mine, his glance only shifting away to look at our linked hands for a moment. I stared back, doing my best to make him understand through sheer force of will, praying that he would have one of his rare moments of insight and sensitivity.

Carefully watching me, he asked warily, "You mean... you mean you..."

I nodded and spoke slowly. "Yes. I really, truly, deeply, honestly... don't hate you.

His eyes widened slightly and his own cheeks colored as some light of comprehension finally dawned on him. "Oh. I, um... thanks."

"You're welcome."

We both turned away, suddenly embarrassed, and watched the ocean. Our hands were still linked though, and he gently leaned his shoulder into mine. I could feel the happiness and contentment radiating from him, no less than that which I felt within myself. We sat there in silence, enjoying each other's presence.

He turned to me, a nervous grin on his face, and gave my hand a soft squeeze as he spoke. "Hey, Raven?"

"Yes, Beastboy?"

"Uh, just so you know..."

"Yes?"

"I don't hate you too."

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**A/N:** Just a simple little one-shot. I mostly wrote it to try something new. I wanted to do something using a first person perspective, which turned out much more difficult than I expected it to be. I kept screwing up my verbage, and a lot of parts were worded very awkwardly. I think I cleared most of that up, though, and overall I am more-or-less satisfied with it. I decided to use Raven just because she is one of the more difficult for me to write and I wanted the practice. In hindsight, I should have probably picked an easier character for my first attempt at a new POV.

Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed it. Thank you all very much for reading, especially to those that take the time to review. I will be sure to reply to all signed reviews, unless specifically requested not to. Any and all reviews are appreciated and criticisms are viewed as an opportunity to improve my writing.

Thanks!

Coeus


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